Oodle Kanoodle

She used to be my only enemy and never let to me be free,
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn’t be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn’t mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
become the friend I never had.

Back then I didn’t know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You’re my friend

I didn’t want to hear it then but
I’m not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

This is a song from Spice Girls called Mama. I guess every girl went through this situation. I did.

My internet got cut off this evening coz i didn’t pay my broadband bill for 2 months. So right now i’m using my dad’s pc in his room. He was not at home at that time. Was checking my mail and myspace stuff when he walked in. He turned on the tube and changed the channel to this religious talk show. It’s ok, coz i’m listening to it too while typing.

The topic of discussion was parent’s sacrifice. It was interesting, the audiences were given a channce to speak up and tell their stories about what they did to help out their parents. One of the speakers, her name’s Noor sumthing i forgot, started talking bout a mother’s sacrifice.

She spoke of how a mother fights with her dear life to give birth to her child, and when the child is delivered, she forgets all the pains and she finds happiness. The mother raises the child, feeds him, clothes him, comforts him, gives him education and so forth. Then the child makes it to the top and starts working.

Then she told this one true story about a mother who had 6 children. The children were all succesful people. But neither anyone of them wanted to take care of the mother. So they decided to take turns. 1 week the mother would be in the eldest’s house 1 week in another and so forth. Finally came to the youngest daughter’s turn. (this time i turned my head to watch the tv coz it somehow caught my attention as i am the youngest daughter in my family too) She waited but the brother never came. She went to the brother’s house to find out that her brother sent their mom to an old folk’s home. Quickly the daughter rushed to that place and saw her mother crying. Her mother was depressed and sad because she never thought the children could actually send her there. She said it’s not fair coz she has 6 children. So the daughter took her back home.

I almost cried. I choked. It’s already happening to my grandmother. No one wants to take care of her. My aunts and uncle send my gramma here so that my mum can look after her. But my mother herself is not well, she has stroke and she’s paralysed on the right side of her body. I told mom to think about it. Well, she decided to take care of my gramma anyway. It has been 3 years. And that whole 3 years my mum takes care of her. My gramma just had her stroke last year and couldn’t walk. She blamed my mum for it. She said that she rather die and forget about life. I felt very very sad for my mum. My mum has been dragging her left leg for 15 years. She never complained. Yet she kept trying to walk. I totally respect my mum’s willpower and strength. Why can’t my grandmother be that way too? All she does was complain, being depressed and doesn’t even pray. She loves her other children so much, but those children never really bother about her. Only my mum does. But she never sees that.

I pray that one day, i will never ever abandon my mother. No matter how hard she can be. I know, we always fight, we always quarrel. I understand my mum’s situation. I’m the only daughter in the family. If anything happens, there’s no more daughters left. And no one is closer to her than me. My brothers all left the house and stays in their own homes. They never really bother to come and see how mum is doing. Only when they need help do they come. And yet, my mum always blame me for things. I guess i have to be patient at the moment. I just don’t want the same thing to happen to my mum, what happened to my grandmother. And i don’t want the same thinig to happen tome too, if i have children of my own.

Mum, i still love you no worries, even if you don’t really understand me that much. I know u’ve been through alot. It’s ok. I guess that’s why God made me a girl. Coz He knows that i’m the only one who will take good care of you when you’re sick. 4 boys and suddenly a girl. I know i’m not all that girly and stuff, i know u’re worried about me being too bold at times. But don’t worry too much, mum. I guess as i grow older, i realised that there are a lot of things to catch up to. I know i make a big fuss coz u treat me like a 12 year old kid, keep calling my cellphone very 5 minutes to ask where am i and when i’m coming back, it is rather annoying and it’s embarrasing too when you do it in front of my friends, but i know u actually cared for me and u want me to be safe. I just want you to know that i’m 26 maaa! *sheesh*

Anywayz, i know u won’t be reading this ma coz u never really liked computers anyway. But maybe an angel will see this and send this message to you via a dream sequence or something.

Ma, i want you to know that no matter what happens, i still love you coz you’re my ma and whatever i did that make you sad, i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. (OMG i’m starting to cry now!)

See? That whole talk show got the best of me!

Ma, i konw that i’m not doing so well academically like my brothers, and i know i don’t even have a job and a steady income like my brothers, but one thing i know, i will never give up looking for jobs and i’m gonna make you proud of me one day ma. I’m doing this for you ma. I will try my best to make my comics popular. I will try my best to be the best in the field i do. Coz you support me, even if you don’t understand. Those talks about you wanting to send me to Jakarta to study arts? That’s cool. Even though Jakarta’s not a really coolplace to study arts, but the thought that counts and i love you for that ma. Ma, listen to me, i’m going to make it. You wait and see. I’m going to do this just for you.

Waaaaaaa i’m crying…….. i guess i’m very touchy now….. *sniff*

You know, one day i’m going to be a mother too. And i can’t wait. It must be a beautiful feeling to it. One day my son or daughter will be doing this too.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 12th, 2006 at 6:47 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.